|What do we do, now?|
Then this evening, the election happened. I would like to know what I did to piss November off, because first my father three years ago and now this.
I was shown a lot, in a few hours. I was shown that not only does American Girl choose not to properly represent me, and not only does a large part of the mainstream fandom not care about me or other collectors that are minorities of any kind--gender, religious, racial, class, what have you--as long as they can have their squee without "politics"....
I was also shown that millions of people hate me, and hate everything I fight for, enough to vote against their own best interests to hold on for a little longer to themselves on top of everyone. Tonight, I saw that when Hope is given to a people, hope and change that shows that that maybe we are moving forward as a people, that White people will snatch it away from us all and replace it with Hate. That White, Christian, male supremacy has won yet again in history, and will hold on and squash us all down to have white power on top of the heap.
That I truly am an outsider.
Many of you know Addy's story, if you have read her books and short stories. You will know she was so happy after the end of the Civil War, happy enough she chose the day for her birthday. Then a week later Abraham Lincoln was murdered and she was terrified of what might come next.
That is me right now. I am Addy in the wake of Lincoln's Death.
I am motherfucking terrified, and so are so many of my friends, and we don't know what the fuck is coming next. All we know is that we could lose everything--gay rights, womens rights, PoC rights, and some of us will lose our very lives.
The rest of my thirties is going to be horrible in so many ways.
I've voluntarily ended two friendships in this fandom in the span of less than 24 hours. I may lose more. I don't care. At this point, I have nearly nothing left to lose.
I'm still gonna do all I can to fight, mind you. This blog isn't going anywhere. I am a bard, and a bard sings even when the enemy is at your gates.
I just can't do it right now. All I can do is hold my first girl, my Addy FirstArrival Walker, and pray to Yemaya Herself to Watch Over one of her very scared children.
I'll be back in December, once the month is done. I'm going to be concentrating on Nano, because that is a world where I have some control.
I just can't do anything right now but be scared.
If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.
--frequently attributed to Lyndon Bates Johnson.--Nethilia