American Girl, keep giving us Dolls of Color for Girls of the Year.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Rambled Opinions and General Snarkiness: 2014 Holiday Winter Wrap Up

Happy birthday to me!
"OMG THE NEW SHIT HAS BEEN OUT FOR A WEEK, NETH, WHERE ARE YOU." It was my birthday, so there. Saturday I went and had dinner with a really awesome AG friend at the Cafe--AG Seattle lets you do a la carte where the rest do not, and damn was the salmon good--and when I ordered sorbet for desert, the staff put candles in it. AG Cafe Seattle, I love you. (And that was fucking good sorbet too.) Yesterday was the birthday proper1 and like a responsible adult I did shit all all day and had cake for dinner. Welcome to adulthood!

Did I get AG gifts? I did. Buddy Girl got me a designed shirt,  I got me Kit and Julie's Meet stuff, and my brother got me egg chair Egg Chair EGG CHAIR EEEEEN~ which is so going to get the shit reviewed out of it. But enough about me and my age no longer being a perfect palindrome but still being a pretty number. I know you can't live without me shitting on/praising/cockeyeing everything AG comes out with so lemme get on with it.

Normally the AG Holiday Blowout comes through in early to mid September to give you several months of "but I want it I need it i really like her mane!" before the holidaze hit. We are also overdue for a new moddie meet outfit cause it's been like, two years of this current set. But this year was the rise of BeForever and the Glory Therein, so maybe next spring or summer. Come on AG, we're due and I'm tired of looking at the outfit we've got right now. They didn't release much, but it's enough to go on.

Time to tear this shit up. Fuck the Bitty Shit.2 You know the drill.

Sparkly Weird WonderBread Shit: Last Gasps of Relevance

Isabelle, still holding on tight to her year and getting under my skin one last time, had two more things come out: none for doll, all for people.

Sparkly Headbands!
First, there's Isabelle's Dance Headband; yes, for the low cost of $5 you too can strap silver elastic and tulle bows to your head!
And expensive ass jewelry boxes!
Second is Isabelle's Fancy Jewelry Box, which is the one that comes with her makeup set, but sized for the girl for $44 and with bonus initial stickers to make it your own. I have nicer wooden ones for much cheaper, and your kiddo can too!

Go away Isabelle, I'm tired of you. I'm waiting to know how sad to be next year.

Holiday Wear and Moddie Stuff: This Year, It's Not Red!

Now to the bulk of my babble: The new moddie shit. Time to get your holidays on!

Blue and shiny!
Happy Holiday Dress: Our Fancy Paired Holiday Set is blue this year. Good job, AG. Not bad for a dress, to be honest. Not bad at all. It's a deep shade of blue which I like, and the bow at the waist is cute. Even the sleeveless look isn't so bad, and I'm digging the headband. However I am not feeling the asymmetrical bottom hem. Especially with tulle under it. Are we done with tulle yet? I might pick it up when it hits the discount pile.

So that's where the sleeves are.
Holiday Accessories: First of all AG I'm going to drown in tears because you've named the accessories the same things for the past several years, my wiki editing will never go well again. The overcoat is furry, not bad, but with the sleeves it's going to look less like a jacket and more like a vest. Eck. The ornament is okay, as is the bracelet. But inside the box? Dolly chocolates. ABORT MISSION.3

Silver, sleeveless, there.
Silver Shimmer Dress: Our second, not as fancy and displayed with the Hanukkah Set for all the Jewish Kids4 Outfit is silver. And silver. And also silver. Monochromatic ahoy hoy. I think I'd like it better with a second complimentary color, or a shrug--especially because it's sleeveless too and has no tights. Thanks to climate change we'll never wear sleeved holiday clothes again. But it's not terribad. It just could use some sprucing up. Also my kingdom for a green holiday dress.

I'm dreaming of a fug Giftmas.
Winter White Outfit: AG, AG, AG. Why don't you have a seat right here. Right here in this chair. I'm going to show you some outfits from your past. They're called the Wintry Weekend Outfit and the Soft as Snow Outfit.5They all have weird ass bottoms, mismatched textures, random tights, and are mono white like some sort of demented snowman. You've done this already. It looked bad the first two times. SO WHY DID YOU DO IT AGAIN? Stop it. Stop making these sets. They're terribad.

Bright pink sleep wear.
Fair Isle Pajamas: I like this in concept but not in color. I just don't really do bright pink stuff. If it were red or blue or even yellow, yes. Hell, if they weren't so damn pink, I'd get the slippers in my size. But for now this is a pass.

AG Skiing.
Hit the Slopes Outfit: First of all, I can count the number of times I've gone skiing on my nonexistent testicles (because I'm a cis woman). So I can't vouch for the comfort or accuracy of this as a skiing outfit. But I'm sure that your girl will show up well against the snow. The whole "AG AG HEY DID YOU KNOW WHO MAKES THIS" is a touch weird, but at least it's a decent print. And no, it doesn't come with the boots. Those come with...

Watch out for that tree. The impact might kill yah.
Skis and Helmet Set: Ah, that's where the boots are. Along with ski poles, a helmet, and of course skis. Enjoy your holiday in Aspen or something.6 No one here skis, I don't ski, I'm never going skiing, so *shrug* Going to need better sports. Like uh...fuck, I'm terrible at all sports except Cross Country Bitching and Whoop Ass Online.

Yeee-fuckin' HAW.
 Western Plaid Outfit: Plaid is one of my fave prints, especially when done right, but I get a touch tired of plaid dresses for the south. I don't really like the style of the buttons down the front, but that could in theory be replaced. Also, none of those cross straps. I'd like the top over jeans and less boot trim. Guess it's time to make my own western wear for Sonali the horse riding witch and Kaya.

Life in Equestria right now is very pink.
Pretty Pink Riding Outfit: The riding outfits just keep getting pinker and odder. They're going to always have a riding outfit because of the trope of girls loving horses.7 I have the first edition set ever released, so a riding set really has to be a "wow" factor to get me to reach for it. And this one does not, because the pink and the bow at the neck. Give me some muted English tones. This one doesn't even have a helmet that comes with it. Where is said helmet?

Riding Helmet and Hat: Ah, there it is. Saige's set lives on! This time hats are sold separately. I might get some so that I can have a western hat for my gang. But not right now.

Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
Pretty City Carriage: Need a lesbian winter doll date? Here's everything you need for making out in the park: a fancy carriage and all the hookups including jingle bells and harness with reins, a blanket to drape across the lap for lesbian snuggles, a cup of hot burning Deth Liquid, and sheet music that you can ignore for kissy makeouts. If I had the space I'd do it in a goddamn heartbeat, but I don't have the space for doll carriages. Now we need a horse to pull this...

Budweiser horse ahoy.
Prancing Horse: Just on time! Saige's horse has been recovered and turned into a Clydesdale. Or something. To be honest, it really looks like it's wearing furry ankle boots, because AG horses are weirdly designed. I would love a real Clydesdale looking horse, with the bulky body and the like. But this one ain't bad.

For all your riding and praising needs.
Saddle and Award Set: And if you'd rather ride the horse than make it pull you around, there's the add on of a saddle and pad. Even a ribbon so it knows it's a good horse. But aren't 1st place ribbons blue? AG get your shit together.  I like the saddle, so I might do that later for putting on my off brand AG horse.

Basic black flats? Praise the gods!
Sparkly Black Flats: OMG BASIC BLACK FLATS. They're not shaped weird or strappy or pink or bowed they're just basic plain black flats and they are wonderful! I will so get a set for my gang later. Shit, I might get two pairs in one trip. They're sparkly, but they're not even that sparkly. I can even handle that. YES MINE.

Let it fug, let it fug, can't hold it back anymore.
Sparkly Skating Set: Ahem. I have a song just for this:

The pale glows bright on the bodice tonight,
not a brown girl to be seen,
a kingdom of light doll privilege
and it looks like I'm the queen. 

The pin broach thing. The odd Elsa looking rip off. The fact that this has a pale toned upper bodice underneath, thus making it look terrible on any non-light AG doll. At AG Seattle they had it on a dark doll and I just fell out. No, no, no, just no. I'm going to make my own Elsa dress and it's going to be cute and I'm going to put it on Kanani. So there. This outfit can get out.


And so, that's the last of the AG '14 Releases. Now to spend the rest of 2014 doing more reviews, complaints, backstory, surprises, book babbles, and cute things. And to see how dissappointed this next GotY will be. Are we getting a Connect Four of White Doll Fail?  We'll know soon enough.


1 And Tuesday was my dad's 63rd. So I had to deal with Emo Neth is Emo.
2 My anaconda don't want none unless it's full sized, hon.
3 Yes, I know they're plastic. But I flinch instinctively. 
4 Which it was at AG Seattle.
5 That reminds me to work on my novels.
6 You even had that pretty flucked up Snowy Chic Outfit that wasn't quite alike but still bad. 
7 Until they like attractive people. Then they like horses and people.


  1. This doesn't really relate to the holiday collection, but I opened up this catalog around Columbus Day, of all things, and I about fell out of my seat when I got to the Kaya section and saw they had paired her with a white model. (link to that page is here: http://content.yudu.com/latest/americangirl/resources/36.htm)

    1. well on the website there is a native (or maybe hispannic?) girl reading Julie`s story so there you go. They used to pair dolls with girls who look like them but this year they decided to change it. maybe they hoped to mix things up a bit so that girls are motivated to buy dolls who dont look like them and thus boost AG sales on historical dolls). I was also suprized to see Samantha with a blond model and Kit with a brown haired girl but thats how they do it now.

  2. Happy belated birthday! My birthday wish/prayer/hope for you (and for me): American Girl will release a doll of color for the GOTY :)

  3. um those sparkly black ballet flats are super cute and look like one of my favorite nail polishes (of *course* I have like a dozen different black nail polishes--some are matte, some are super shiny, there are different kinds of glitter in others...).

  4. When I saw the white knit shorts I about gagged. WTF?! Interestingly enough, I've read some other blogs where young girls post and they don't seem to like them either. Swing and a miss AG.

    And why does the riding outfit have to be pink? I would have bought it in a heartbeat if it had been a traditional equestrian jacket and cap color. I suppose I could get the Rit dye out, but I think I'll keep waiting. Maybe I'll come across a good deal on an old one on Ebay.

  5. When I first saw the Western Plaid Outfit, i was at a loss for words to describe it, but your caption says it all. Good work! (heh)


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