Rambled Opinions and General Snarkiness: The Why of Two-Kay: Nicki and Isabel Hoffman of the Turn of the Millennium

Stay on your side of the room!

For once I'm gonna be on time with something! A week and change later is on time, right? It counts. Get in where you fit in. Return of the Mack Neth.

So there I was, hot off the press of finishing Kavi's collection post within a reasonable time of her release, and preparing my checklist of "Things That Came Out In 2023/Late 2022 (So I Might Maybe Eventually Catch Up To Go Back)" when historical leaks hit hard. And by hit hard, I mean AG put stuff up several days early on the website and they were available for people to order, which counts as a release. So I set aside my checklist and decided I'd try to do a post on something fresh off the press on semi-time, even if colored. The time that is. It's a Colored People Time Joke. Then my attempts to post before February ended got delayed. But not by much! It's just the second of March. I'm fine, I'm a'ight. We're major. Happy Texas Independence Day.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. On 2/22, only a month and a half after Kavi's release,¹ AG released their newest historicals: Nicki and Isabel Hoffman² of Seattle, Washington. They hail from the far flung, distant era of last century, the most ancient and noble year--

--of 1999. Hey, I graduated from high school that year!

Did you hear crying middle millennials after reading that year? I heard crying middle millennials. Yes, now it's the mid-to-late millennials' turn to feel fucking old about being represented by a "historical" era by the same doll company that started with the 1850s, 1900s, and 1940s. The early Gen Xers got whapped by the Historical Era Stick with Julie and mini vinyl records in 2007, the cuspier X-llennials like me did it with Courtney and mini cassette tapes in 2020, and now it's the middle to late Millennials turn with the Twinsies and mini CDs--and sooner than you expected it to be. Now it's y'all's turn to see the children ask you what a CD is³ and wince when a teenager who didn't even exist as a fetus during the 2006 midterms is on the Metronome App trying to tell you nothing happened at all during Y2K when you lived through that night and remember your desktop potentially glitching and the fears of the end of the world. Gen Z doesn't know how to sort through the file system or research without Google. You're older now. Your music's now part of the Classic music station--the hits of the 80s, 90s, and beyond! Stop lamenting that your age is closer to thirty than twenty, eat more greens, take your multivitamins, be glad you made it this far--not everyone has been so lucky--and for the love of gods, wear sunscreen. History doesn't just stop existing once color TV is invented. Just ask Julie. Hell, ask Melody.

We're going to start with my feelings on the Twinsies, and then follow up with the collection--which isn't that big to start, but then again neither has Claudie's been. Technically Claudie has more outfits. Technically.

Under the cut to where I'll fuss, cuss, and discuss. No Scrubs allowed. A scrub gets no love from me.⁴

Rambled Opinions and General Snarkiness: Broadway, Brown Skin, and Bollywood Beauty: Kavi Sharma of 2023

On the corner of Broadway and Representation.

Happy Valentine's Day! Or Palentine's Day. Or Fuck James Cook Day. Or Discount Candy Eve. Or Halfway through February Day. or It's Still Black History Month, Run Me My Money. For me, it's the last day of the Chocolate Gauntlet, with tomorrow freeing me from the loosely defined fears of cocoa products lurking in the seasonal aisles until September rolls around. I made it, people!

It's also a month and a half--give or take a New Year's--since the newest Girl of the Year launched. Though I have a backlog of AG posts spanning to before the entire damn still ongoing pandemic and a whole word doc to organize the items in, it won't get any shorter if I don't try--key word, try--to stay on top of newer things. Like news of outgoing girls who have worbs.

Speaking of outgoing things, and I don't mean the character I'm about to discuss. Remember in 2021 when AG Seattle closed, and I told AG Houston to sleep with one eye open?

Yeah, about that.

Spotify, play Chopin's Death March.

In a move surprising both no one and some one, AG Houston got murked like Flash Player at the end of 2020. Not only did it close--yesterday, in fact! body's still cooling!--but so did AF San Francisco Bay Area, which I had never been to. AG Miami is also done; it closed back in Sept 2022. This leaves only five non-flagship stores now, one--still!--in Dallas. AG Houston's demise is because, along with "the stores are not moving product like they used to", the entire Memorial City Mall is getting refreshed into a new look. Since the buildings are going down, AG was like "oh look, a reason to exit strategy the store!" Retail stores: they ain't what they used to be. There's a reason I toy shop at Target. That reason is because it's the only place with a decent toy department that isn't Wally World.

RIP AG Houston, we hardly knew ye.

I also know about the something new coming on 2/22 that involves Historical Jewish Twins and skipping the actual good part of the '90s, but I'll get to that when it launches. Or five months later, who knows, I keep my own fucked up schedule around here. On the real, I'll try to get on top of it before the month ends, hopefully no more than two weeks after they launch. Key word hopefully. For now, we're giving Kavi her diamonds, before people get distracted. I have quite a bit to say about Claudie once I get into that post and how she got undercut by releases and still is being so.

Go to the woods!¹

My girl pinched my hips to see if I still exist.

Belated Holidays and what not.

I think not, I'll send a letter to my friends. A born again hooligan only to be king again.
~ Fugees, "Ready or Not"

*~*~

I've been sick and sleeping poorly.

Don't worry, it's not Covid. I stay masked. But it's been exhausting.

I'll cover Kavi in a few days and then go back to 2022. And 2021. And 2020 and 2019.

It's whatever at this point.

But I did get my Addys in holiday dresses, so I'm still hanging on.

Be here in a bit.

--Neth