American Girl, keep giving us Dolls of Color for Girls of the Year.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

In Which Neth is Terrified about Everything For A While.

What do we do, now?
I was going to start working on review posts, for outfits. Posts about creativity. Posts about the fandom. Posts about money management, about my Chicago Store Trip, about new items I have pics of. I have a backlog here like you would not believe.

Then this evening, the election happened. I would like to know what I did to piss November off, because first my father three years ago and now this.

I was shown a lot, in a few hours. I was shown that not only does American Girl choose not to properly represent me, and not only does a large part of the mainstream fandom not care about me or other collectors that are minorities of any kind--gender, religious, racial, class, what have you--as long as they can have their squee without "politics"....

I was also shown that millions of people hate me, and hate everything I fight for, enough to vote against their own best interests to hold on for a little longer to themselves on top of everyone. Tonight, I saw that when Hope is given to a people, hope and change that shows that that maybe we are moving forward as a people, that White people will snatch it away from us all and replace it with Hate. That White, Christian, male supremacy has won yet again in history, and will hold on and squash us all down to have white power on top of the heap.

That I truly am an outsider.

Many of you know Addy's story, if you have read her books and short stories. You will know she was so happy after the end of the Civil War, happy enough she chose the day for her birthday. Then a week later Abraham Lincoln was murdered and she was terrified of what might come next.

That is me right now. I am Addy in the wake of Lincoln's Death.

I am motherfucking terrified, and so are so many of my friends, and we don't know what the fuck is coming next. All we know is that we could lose everything--gay rights, womens rights, PoC rights, and some of us will lose our very lives.

The rest of my thirties is going to be horrible in so many ways.

I've voluntarily ended two friendships in this fandom in the span of less than 24 hours. I may lose more. I don't care. At this point, I have nearly nothing left to lose.  

I'm still gonna do all I can to fight, mind you. This blog isn't going anywhere. I am a bard, and a bard sings even when the enemy is at your gates.

I just can't do it right now. All I can do is hold my first girl, my Addy FirstArrival Walker, and pray to Yemaya Herself to Watch Over one of her very scared children.

I'll be back in December, once the month is done. I'm going to be concentrating on Nano, because that is a world where I have some control.

I just can't do anything right now but be scared.
If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you.
--frequently attributed to Lyndon Bates Johnson.


  1. You are a lovely and important person and you are worthwhile. Weak ass bigots or those willing to embrace bigot ideas to win an election will never, ever change that.

    Please do what you need to do to feel as safe as you can. Your fans love you and are cheering for you.

    Love from another Queer Pagan Black woman who will not be silenced no matter who is president.

  2. Neth, I am so sorry about this. We have watched in disbelief from Canada throughout the whole process and I am having trouble accepting what happened last night. It's hard to accept the statement your country made. I wish I had something I could say to comfort you, but I don't. I'm scared too.

    I wish you the best with NaNoWriMo and I hope your country finds a way through this.

  3. I am sick to my stomach over this whole thing. America spoke loud and clear and it's pretty effing ugly. 😥

  4. Oh, dear - I'm the same way. I am watching from Florida - having worked for HRC, knowing, breathing, thinking, hoping that she would win, and then watching it all burn down last night. I am white, straight, and a woman. I am Catholic. I am not pagan, but I share your beliefs in harmony and love. I am so very very sorry. I was also crying last night, thinking it was all a bad dream. I was crying this morning, when I realized it wasn't.
    The take away here is that he latched onto something HRC did not - old male and rural voters. There was something in his snake oil salesmanship that convinced these people that he was selling the truth. The popular vote favored HRC. The young vote loved her, the LGBT, the Latinos, African American - everyone loved her - except the people she failed to reach. Old, male, rural, uneducated voters - a section ignored by some democrats. Look at how the popular vote went. It wanted unity, it wanted HRC. And just wait - you like Karma, no? What comes around, goes around. Give it a year or so. Wait for the impeachment to begin. Better yet, get involved in local dem parties - FIGHT!! FIGHT against him - I read your blog all the time, I see you are tough, you take nothing lying down. Be sad, be depressed. But don't wallow, get up and fight! It starts at the grassroots level, then grows - get involved in every organization you can. Take Addy in your hands and promise her that this will never ever happen again.

    Much love from Florida.

    1. I'm from Florida too and it was so heartbreaking when HRC lost. Honestly, she did not get the respect she deserved throughout this election.

      Thank you for your service in working with her though! We did what we could :(

  5. Please hang in there. Neth, you are very much loved and appreciated by people both online and offline. Not many words here, just sending feelings of love and support to you and everyone else shocked and depressed by the election results.

  6. I agree with you 100%. I am a white Christian but I'm also a flaming liberal. When I saw the results I wanted to just stay in my bed and cry all day long. I want to abolish the ecltrol college and convince my parents to let me move to Canada.

    I was so disappointed and I didiscovered feel like Addy, I just turned 15 less than two weeks ago my grades are improving and I have so many great friends, I felt like life was perfect but now I know it is not.

    You have always been an inspiration to me, a grown black queer woman who loves dolls, thank you so much for sharing your beliefs and I agree with you 100%. I just hope that the next four years will fly by fast, because I don't now how I can survive high school with him as president. I just know that any one can be president as long as you are a rich racist white man.

    In 1920 woman were giving the right to vote how would they feel that it took at least another 100 years for a woman to become president.

    A liberal teenager who loves AG dolls

  7. *hugging* I'm a Latina with Asberger's Syndrome and Queer

  8. when you said that AG does not represent you... have GOTY 2017 details leaked out and shes white?

    1. I heard that she wI'll most likely be a black tap dancer named Gabriela

  9. In all my years of voting, I've never been so stunned, shocked and saddened by an election. I watched as the results came in and had a massive knot in my stomach. And I cried, buckets of tears as I watched everything that so many people worked so hard to achieve, possibly wiped out by a group of ignorant, racist, misogynistic, and idiotic people who voted for that disgusting person. Interestingly enough, as much as we all would like to think, it wasn't just uneducated males who voted him into office. I read an interesting article today that credited white, conservative Christian women as a huge part of his win. Yes, some of those same women who gave you such a hard time in the past over your dolls. Our country is a mess, and you have every right to be upset, angry and scared. I'm a white straight woman and I've never been so scared in my life. (((HUGS)))

    In case anyone wants to read the article I was referring to:

  10. I was so scared and shocked when it happened. I was watching the vote count and my heart sunk more and more every second. I'm trying to think of good things. I just ordered number 58 with my 20% off coupon in the catalog. This will be the first new doll I've ever gotten. It's hard to focus on good things when it's so easy to be terrified all the time. I wish I could help you feel better, but I don't know how to feel better myself. I'm also doing nano and I couldn't bring myself to add to my word count the day after the election. I love your blog and your perspective and voice. I hope there will somehow be better days to come for all of us.

    1. That's really crazy, TM #58 is the next doll on my want list and I told Hubby election night that I was gettting her very soon as therapy for such an awful outcome to the election. He told me to wait until the 15 th which is when we get payed and happens to be today, but we are moving house on the 17th, so I'm going to wait until this weekend. I plan to name her Amelia, unless she doesn't like that name. I'll have to wait and see. She's so beautiful. I'm so scared and sad. I didn't sleep election night. I felt sick.

    2. I plan to name my girl Astrid, but Amelia is such a beautiful name. My package is set to arrive tomorrow. Good luck with your beautiful girl I hope they can bring us both some comfort.

  11. As a lesbian, I am also terrified of this outcome. This election has been giving me nightmares from the start. I know its hard right now but its more important now than ever that we stand up and refuse to be knocked down. We can't let them have the pleasure of convincing us of their superiority. And, like Felicity, this Redhead is ready to fight for her rights. Let's not give up yet. We have to power to change things. Let your voice be heard. Revolution 2020!!!!

  12. You are amazing. Don't let anybody get you down. And Happy Yule!

  13. We miss you Doll Mama.

    You are not alone. (((hugs)))

  14. Are you ever coming back? I miss your blog updates.

  15. I just wanted to say, thank you for making Addy so accessible to anyone and everyone! She's a doll (and character) that I've always loved. We have a long history (Addy Saves the Day was the first AG book I ever read, in third grade), and I've always wanted to eventually add her to my collection. But her hair intimidated me. I'm white, and I've never had experience with textured hair. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do her justice. But your posts about Addy and how to take care of her beautiful hair really encouraged me, even made it seem easy. I finally got my dear Addy for Christmas this year. She's such a little love, and her hair is so simple to make look great, even with my admittedly limited hair styling skills. Keep posting, Neth! The AG community needs you. And thanks again!

  16. Long live the queen Hillary and may she see another election and another chance.


Trolling, pointless bigotry, nonsense, and hating for the sake of hating will be removed, as will any post screaming "first" because no one cares. Cursing is fine, as I curse myself. I still expect you to act like you have home training. This is not a Free Speech Zone. I reserve the right to delete comments, kick you out of the convo, or tell you to piss off. You post, you stand by your words, and all the consequences of those words, even if that consequence is getting your ass handed back to you. Don't come in my space, spit on my floor, and expect me to call it a swimming pool. I can and will cuss your entire ass out. If I told you not to comment, and you comment, your comments will be deleted.

If you are under 13 your comments will be removed; you're too young to be on the internet unsupervised and you know it.