Rambled Opinions and General Snarkiness Part 2: Ew, Boys, Moddie Mishaps and Wellies On Stage

This was an all girls' school before you showed up.

*scampers in, keeping to her vow of getting stuff blogged on time*

And now for Part Two of the New Stuff: Moddies and Wellies.

Look, I could have done this in a single part, or I could have finished dinner. And dinner was good. See I took the bone of a ham, and some veggies, and made soup. And I'm having that again today. Because it's damn good soup.

Then I had to fix Wiki mistakes. We so roll blocks for misdone pictures. Read the fucking manual.

And now it's time for the bloggings.

No One Needed Boys, But There They Are

Oh. Boys. Stinky.

AG Boys: Let's start with what everyone noticed recently so I can get this out of the way. Truly Me showed up to their new year's party with something no one needed for any more than we needed Nogan: boys. That's right, AG has more boys now. Four of them. I understand the idea of expand the line to draw boys in, and boy dolls are apparently a thing on IG and among other collectors. I did see a couple boys in the store saying "oh this is cool, there's dolls like me!" Yes, boys should learn to like dolls as much as girls, instead of toys being hard gendered so that boys can't have creative doll play and growing up to become shitty ass men whe resent anyone over the age of nine who has dolls and enjoys their hobbies instead of being into what they think people should be. Boys playing with dolls doesn't make boys gay, and if you think they do you should go eat a bowl of glass. And other lines have stared doing boys, so AG is just getting in on a thing that's been happening for some time.¹

One of the weird things about the boys is that they were modified from the face molds to have closed mouths and slightly "firmer" jawlines. Which is. Uh. Ahem. Time for another rant!

Boy dolls in the prepubescent age rage shouldn't have firm manly jaws. Carpatina was one of the first lines to do boys, and when you look at Adam and Carter they--uh. They don't look right at all. They look like old man heads on young boy bodies. Dissonance! Later dolls by the brand look better, but it still occasionally has the issue and part of the problem is very quick to articulate. The manufacturers don't want the boys to look girly or feminine, and one of the major differences in men and women's face shapes (stylistically/artistically, not always) is the jawline. Ladies are portrayed with soft jawlines, and men are portrayed with a sharper, more emphasized jawline. So designers lean towards giving their boy dolls a severely strong jaw, like a teenage boy might have, so that they look less "girly." Some also make the eyes smaller.

But a ten year old boy doesn't generally have a strong firm jaw. Until puberty really kicks in and takes a hold of them, they still have in part a semi-round, young face with a soft babyfaced jawline and large in ratio eyes, like so:

Baby faced.

Other examples can be seen here, here, and here. So when folk give a "strong jaw" to a boy doll, it ages them up to at least teen or worse, adult. Honestly before puberty there's little difference in a boy and a girl at a glance outside of the gender presentation, which is why trans people have it much easier if they can transition before puberty causes major body dissonance.

In trying to make a male doll appear less feminine, companies make their boys  look too "old," and it's uncanny valley and off enough to be uncomfortable when paired with what's supposed to be an eight to ten year old girl. It's as uncanny as it is to take a Bitty Baby Head and put it on an 18" body because that head's too "young." AG didn't go as severe as some companies--just look at Carpatina again and fear everything--but they still added some thickness to the jaw, as well as thicker eyebrows which is also a thing little boys don't have. Also the closed mouth only hurts the whole idea that "Kaya has a boyish face" because of her closed mouth, and I might have to kick someone if they keep implying that Native people are boyish.

All of this is to say I just don't like boy dolls. Hell I despise 90% of boy dolls. I rarely had Kens growing up, I ignored all but one of my male Monster High Dolls,² and I only enjoy boy ponies in limited styles and generally only Gen 1 where they have the fuzzy feets. To me AG boys are just 18 inches of Ken. I'm too gay for this shit and I'm too gay for boys. At least they popped in quietly, instead of being everywhere and hyped and getting the focus. There was no one hovering over the boys on Luciana's day, even. They just slid in with all the other new stuff.

Today our boys come in Blond White Boy, Generic East Asian...

#74: A blond, blue eyed, modified classic mold. And a boy. Nope. Yuck. Get out of here, Chadly, you're stinking up the whole place. Also why do you look unsure of your existence? *makes the =I face*

#75: Jess mold, but in boy. Eh. Better than Chadly, but not as good as the others. He's mediocre. We'll call him Kenichi. He's not my friend.

...Ambiguously Brown, and Black Dude.

#76: He doesn't look nearly as strange as the other boys, but he still looks strange. And I don't like his front cowlick. Too Noganish. Still compared to Chadly over there he's a frigging prince. Also he has the amber eyes that #26 and #62 have, so that's a plus.

#77: Of the four? He's the one that has the most chance of getting in my house. He's got a short 4C fro (that does not feel like a brillo pad fuck you very much you little white racists on IG) and he doesn't look nearly as constipated as all the other boys do. He's growing on me like a fungus. But I have too much going on in my AG life right now to mess with boys. Maybe if I start designing boy clothes. 

Truly Me Boy's Outfit: They didn't name this meet set, just like the girl's, so we're just using this name on the wiki. Deal with it. Striped blue polos, the khakis of their people, and terrible plastic shoes, but these have lightning bolts! Meh. The dudes also have grey boxer briefs that I took a look at. If they sold the outfit separately, I'd probably get it. But I don't know that they will.

Now that I'm done looking at boys and have given them a half second, I can move on to the other stuff that came out. Yes, they have clothes, but I can talk about them neutrally because the clothes can be for anyone. Hell, you could get a "boy," put a cute little bow on the head, add a skirt, and have a short haired, closed mouth girl. Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free.

Moddie Mishaps: Clothes and Hats and Cool Lizard Stuff  

'MERICAN GIRLS!

Star Spangled Fan Gear: It's so red white and blue as to hurt my eyes. Good thing there's shades with it. It also looks like it'll match around fairly well, and the silver shoes are cute. So maybe. Put it on Molly, bring her into the modern era.³

Accessorizing.

Everyday Accessories: First of all, name recycling should be left in the past. Anyways. If you want to have your doll have some phat beats because now you can bring headphones to school without them getting taken away, they can accessorize with headphones to block the haters as you walk to school,⁴ a red hoodie, a backpack that alerts everyone that skate is life, and (sirs not appearing in this picture) a cellphone and a water bottle. Stay hydrated! It's an interesting set and one of my friends already got it and put it on a girl.

Taco Stand Tuesday. Thursday? Tacos.

Sun and Fun Outfit: Oh no don't do that don't wear a straw fedora with shorts, stop that, bad idea, nope, no, don't do that, bad dude, recant--recant. Save yourself from failure.
 
Sunny Day Dress: The embroidery on the dress is nicer than I thought silver and coral would be. But it's just the dress, sandals, and shoes. And the headband is a waste and the shoes are average. So a sale buy.
 
American Girl Snack Stand: Ice cream has been replaced with tacos, as the good Mexican Jesus intended. But there's not nearly enough cheese on those nachos. And why are the beans in a drawer? Are we keeping beans in drawers now? Is that salsa in a ketchup style condiment bottle? How waterly is your salsa? I don't think you understand how Mexican food works, AG. I don't do moddie furniture anyways.

The Great Outdoors.

Dino-mite Outfit: Dinosaurs are cool and everyone should wear them. The shoes and shirt are cool. The shorts are--almost pants? Seriously, give the dudes more pants. Otherwise folk might buy the girl pants for the boys and we can't have that, can we! Even if they have the exact same body shapes. It's probably an abomination.⁵

Explore the Outdoors Outfit: For a while this was called the new hiking outfit and I was like "don't go hiking in sandals girl don't do it your gonna have a bad time." Even still, it's not the best time. The top and jacket combo works, but wear pants and hiking boots so bugs don't get a hold of your sweet sweet vinyl. The woods doesn't care if you're cute. They'll just bite your butt and give you poison ivy.

Shark Baseball Cap: Oh hey, a hat that doesn't suck. I like it! It's also blue. Let's put it on everyone--guys, gals, and enby pals. AG Seattle did, which makes me happy.

Under the sea, under the sea--

New Mix and Match Sets: Every six months there's a new mix and match set, like clockwork. So good job, AG. This one's based on the sea and stuff, and we have:

• Sea Glass Tank,
• Mermaid Tee,
• Seashell Lace Tank,
• Sea Breeze Top,
• School of Fish Tee,
• Seashell Sequin Shorts,
• Wave Shorts,
• Ombre Waves Skirt,
• Seashore Stripe Skirt,
• Blue Sea Dress, 
• Crisscross Sandals, 
• and Lace-Print Shoes.

There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans, under the sea~!

My fave pieces are the shell top, the long skirt, and the lace shoes. I don't like the sequined shorts, and I don't care for the sequins on the bottom of the shorter skirt. But that's it. So far there's only been one set that I haven't liked the majority of and that was the Spring 2017 set. The last set I liked--and got--everything but the peplum top, because the peplum top was dumb, and the tights because I already had the tights and jeggings. Also anything that encourages girls to learn how to sing a man to his death is a good thing. Become a siren, ladies. Sing men to their deaths. Or use new methods.

Knit Rhinestone Beanie: It's like the silver one but it's pink now. As much yarn as I've been making, I don't need to buy knit beanies. What I need to do is knit them. Especially once I spin up my building block and holiday elemental yarns.

Blue Fish Tote: I don't like purses that can't carry at least a stupidly large wallet and a tablet and possibly kill a man in one swing. So Handbag of Holding. 

Dark-Blue Glasses: New glasses! New blue glasses! I love doll glasses so much. Put them on everyone.⁶ 
 

The boots keep getting gayer!

Cool Treats High Tops: oh man they have ice cream on the side gimme.

Teal Sneakers: Need shoes for dolls that have ugly plastic shoes? Get em some teal sneakers! They work for everyone. Even you. Especially you.

Gold Glitter Boots: brb gonna add to my shiny sparkly doll shoes collection because shiny doll shoes are the definitive best.

Lizard!

Chameleon Terrarium Set: Pet lizards are cool and good! If you're willing to take the time and space for your funky pet. The terranium isn't big enough, and we're going to assume that the reptile food is a jar of crickets. But still! Lizard! I may get this with Lucci and then have the ultimate AG.

Matching is for chumps!

Coconut Tee: It's an all new Coconut tee! Now starring Coconut in front of a store window. I remain amused that Coconut the pet is gone, but Coconut keeps showing up in products as to remind us of the dog's loss. Either way, I rarely do Coconut stuffz.

Starry Jeggings: Jeggings are just pants without pockets, making them grossly inferior to jeans. These have the crime of  false pocket stitching. Dicks. Gimme real pants.

Chambray Cadet Cap: It's a hat. It's an okay hat. It's not a hat for my group. We wear historical hats or, on occasion, beanies and toques.

What'd I just say, AG?

Coconut Jewelry Set: Want your doll to wear disembodied dog heads on chains? Here you go. I'm not particularly down for it.

Coconut Coin Purse: Do....do people still carry coin purses? I don't even carry one anymore, and I used to carry coin purses. The hazards of grandparents who grew up in the era of the coin purse.

Coconut Cuff Bracelet: It's a bracelet. It's for kids. I didn't get a shot.

Necklace. Or something.

Coconut Necklace: Add to the headless dogs. Wear Coconut around your neck. Or...

Dress like your sister!

Coconut PJs: The cool thing about this set is that it comes in two sizes: One for 18" dolls, one for 14" Wellies. This is one of the cutest sets and is really showing Wellie staying power. They come with all the same things: top, shorts, slippers, and a pillow that you can bonk your little sister with.  All with tiny dog heads. Look, AG, are you bringing the little white westie back or not? Quit taunting me with dogs. These two remind me of Miya and Kendall around my house. I may have to make them matching PJs.

And this can just transition into--

Wellies On Stage: Stick Out With Your Chick Out

The Wellies got some new stuffs, including a whole new change of meet accessories. I hope you weren't in love with the old accessory sets. They're gone now. Forever. Except secondary markets. You should have got them when they were on clearance for $5 each.

Party like a rock star, introverted loner.⁷

Rock Star Outfit: Ahh it's precious! Those are cute as shit shoes. And pants. And--okay I want it.

Strings and Wings Guitar: It's cool, and I'll think about in the future. Wellies have wormed into my heart, no lies.

Butterfly Beats Keyboard: lol it's set up backwards to show the keys. But unlike Melody's piano, it doesn't make actual plays, just plays some theme music when you push it. Well, the age starts at five, so, y'know. Debatable.

I don't think that girl's ever been to medical school.

Woodland Animal Vet Set: Take a chance on caring for a sick bunbun in a wellie print coat with some pink medical equipment. If that's your thing. I like medical sets but I'd have to put this on the maybe pile. I have a lot of Wellies stuff to sort.

Carrot's Hutch Accessories: Add to the bunny hutch with more stuff! Veggies! a spot to grow veggies! A petting mitt! And a pillow that I think a real bunbun would shred. I don't have the hut so I don't need the extras. 

Gopher and Watering Can: I don't like gophers. They're weird little rodents. I wouldn't get this. 

Fox and Composting Can: I do like foxes. They're cool dogs that are catting. I'll get this.

Chicken and Coop: Chicken! Coop! Eggs! And apron! Learn where your food comes from. Like everything AG it's small for a real coop but it is intriguing.

Capture the moment with Kodak.

Explore the Outdoors Set: Away with the nut sack!⁸ Now we have a girl scout like vest, animal crackers, and a bird house and bird. Oh and a stick and a Polaroid Camera. Willa is our new hipster.

I already sang the song once. Not again.

Under the Sea Accessories: No more trunks and seahorses! Now it's octopi, pearls, and gumball thingies. And nets. Camille doesn't care, as long as she still dreams of becoming a mermaid and singing men to their death.

We are having a party! And you're not invited.

Fun and Games Set: No more tea parties! Now we're playing pin the tail on the horsie and writing down our party planning and wearing tulle skirts. I really like that Ashlyn has owls. It's cute and not the typical cute thing.

If you build it, they will doll.

Reimagined Artist Set: No more hammers! (Good thing I have the hammer.) Now we've got a stronger tool belt, a paint pallet, and a big wide paintbrush. And a dolly drill and square and wrench oh snap. Kendall be building all the things.

Bad angle. Good Bunny.

Set the Stage Play Set: No more rubber chickens and rubber noses! Now we're doing a rabbit in a hat, a dragon puppet, a weird collar, a box with some stickers, and a terrible nose set. Emerson, get your act together. This is why I got the previous set last and my Emerson is more of a nature nerdlinger.

*~*~* 

Well will you look at that! I got all the new stuff mentioned without taking four months between posts. Starting my 2018 off right.

And for all those that got through all this with me, I have a special reward for you. That's right. 

Underpants!

Doll boxer briefs. You're welcome.

--Neth  

¹ This annoys me slightly, too. That AG didn't launch the boys until after lines like My Life As and Carpatina started doing boys. Don't play follow the leader, American Girl. You created the genre of 18" dolls. Then again you didn't fold as fast to the boy coalition. Conflicted! 
² I don't think they're going to last much longer, Monster High.  Ever After High already sort of faded away from corners being snipped. They used to take up a whole half aisle in Target, now they have one tiny section. Such is the way of toys.
³ Guess who's due back. Yep. Molly. She'll be in cube form. That'll just leave Kirsten. Who would be super tempting!
⁴ Back when I was in school, if staff caught you with headphones, they'd take them away. Because somehow having music to listen to on the bus ride home or walking places meant that you would just whip it out in class and, I dunno, listen to your tapes when you should have been classing. *bangs cane*
⁵ Months ago, AG did an outfit mix up with Nogan.They put a few clothes on him that came in girls' sets--namely the shirt and jacket. And some white lady showed her ass going "Really? Couldn't get a real boys outfit. This is disgusting. Believe it or not There are family's out here that want boys to be boys and girls to be girls. That's what I thought American girls company represented. Guess not." Lady get a damn grip. Clothes is clothes. Quit panicking that putting a girl's jacket on a boy doll might bring about the apocalypse. I bet you vote Republican.
⁶ AG should really show more glasses on the boys.They only had it on one.
⁷ Gentlemen, (listen up) Ladies and transgressors, I appreciate the offers of all your subversive efforts; But to alleviate the scoffers and haters and other jesters, I'mma relegate myself to the more obvious F-words: Fuck this job, fuck my boss, fuck your finance--I give a fuck about these motherfuckers when I dance. (Daveed Diggs, "Night Time")
⁸ You stop that.